The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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