I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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