ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
