I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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