They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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