I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
