Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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