And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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