I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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