Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
