Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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