matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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