I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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