just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize