I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was born a porn star she said
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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