I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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