Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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