Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
