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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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