and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
