nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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