I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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