Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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