I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
