i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No subtext here. People are naked.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize