There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
