you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
