he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
