He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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