i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
