should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
