So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
