i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
