She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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