did you get engaged???
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
