I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
