i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
