just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
