Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i love accidental penises.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
