a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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