Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
