My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
