Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
