That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
