i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
