apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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