all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
