yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
