FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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