I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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