someone threw a dead crab at me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
