I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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