nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
