I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
