Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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