Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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