Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
