; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
