you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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