my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
