So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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