My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your cock deserves a montage
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize