If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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