i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
