didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
