I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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