I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am available for nakedness
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
