I wish my penis had an off switch
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
