Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
