worst night to have a conscience
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
