her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
