theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
